Alleyana

wisely, i chose to grow older

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a draft of my mother's obituary by Alleyana, literature

Literature

a draft of my mother's obituary

On April 10th, 1958 John Burdock and Robertha Adams (nee Roberts) welcomed Debora Joan Adair into this world in Dawson Creek, BC. 4th child of an eventual 8, she fell almost perfectly in the middle. She received the nickname "China Doll" for her porcelain skin and great big brown eyes, a nickname she would talk about with pride for the rest of her life. Debora, known by family and friends as a myriad of names (Debbie, D.T.W., among others) took life by the horns and rode it with the best YEEEEEEHAW you could imagine (literally, she once won a competition for it). While she would be known by those in passing for her physical beauty, to those who loved her, she would be known most potently for her vivacious soul and immeasurable love for a life that did everything in it's power to break her down. You would always hear Debbie before you ever saw her - she had a laugh that boomed and a stereo so loud it would shake the block. It would be rare to catch Debbie without George Thorogood or

all the words you deserve and more by Alleyana, literature

Chase by Alleyana, literature

Literature

Chase

For too long you have been a part of this process, packing pain into kilos and kilos into black leather bags. I do lines of you in the dark corners of my nightmares. Into the darkest parts of myself I scream, wondering if I'm just addicted to agony. You see, I should have ran when I felt the way you tasted like hunger. I should have ran when you invited me inside your cage. I should have ran … But I have been running. I've been running for seven fucking years, afraid that I caused this. That I brought your breath upon my neck, your hand upon my cheek as you wiped my pain and packaged it into power. I've forged weapons on the sharp ed

help, i'm alive by Alleyana, literature

Literature

help, i'm alive

i'm somewhere minus a half decade and half a reality away, feet tapping to the steady broken beat of the half dead speakers booming the first half of the song they'll play at my funeral next week half a bottle of vodka later and a handful of half slurred sentences and i'm half of the way through the obscure pills in my medicine cabinet all of me is hoping that it really works this time. i haven't seen heaven in half a lifetime but i'm pulling prayers from paltry lips for a bit of peace as my head hits the floor and the last of the vodka pools onto the carpet. the whole morning greets me with hideous glare, gloating at my

repeating decimal by Alleyana, literature

take aparts and takeaways by Alleyana, literature

Literature

take aparts and takeaways

i have serenaded silence since i was a child, thought myself wise enough to choose infinite rest first as i rounded the edge of adolescence. ancient to all my peers, commanding consequence with a flick of my sharpening tongue - the same instrument by which i first asked my mother for the reasons to remain. instead, i got a bottle of pills and a glass of water at my bedside. christmas day and i awaken to the caustic laughs of a taker who has forgotten how to care.

iv. on making peace with my heart by Alleyana, literature

Literature

iv. on making peace with my heart

i spent the earliest awakening of my youth yawning in yearning, arms stretched to fingertips, reaching just a hair's breath away from that unidentifiable something settled in my psyche as significant. i needn't find the nerve for knowledge with a heart that hastened without question; i thought myself hardened by the failings of my father's own heart, the mis-steps of my mother fading on my mind's horizon a lesson learned for me. time taught me the that firsts have a finality that will quake your shores. the wave receding reached to my bedrock and scraped me dry with debris; i was schooled in the power of preconceived poetry, the potency of i

complications by Alleyana, literature

Literature

complications

every time i sit with words to wield my sheath is empty and i am bare-skinned and opaque, un-shielded on the stark battlefield hopes to harmonize the hapless madness in my mind dashed by daggers into a splintered pile of adjectives lustful languished lonely longing astray and i've been fighting this war since i could first speak - (consonants for a name and vowels forgotten), cursed with the lifetime to explain not only my name but my very being

alexandria by Alleyana, literature

a morning yawn by Alleyana, literature

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a morning yawn

the familiar folly we find ourselves in when the words cannot stretch into the corners of o u r wo r l d .

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a draft of my mother's obituary by Alleyana, literature

Literature

a draft of my mother's obituary

all the words you deserve and more by Alleyana, literature

Chase by Alleyana, literature

Literature

Chase

help, i'm alive by Alleyana, literature

Literature

help, i'm alive

repeating decimal by Alleyana, literature

take aparts and takeaways by Alleyana, literature

Literature

take aparts and takeaways

iv. on making peace with my heart by Alleyana, literature

Literature

iv. on making peace with my heart

complications by Alleyana, literature

Literature

complications

alexandria by Alleyana, literature

ianfu by Alleyana, literature

Literature

ianfu

He pries me open at the cusp, plants his shame in me for me to grow it as my own. It finds roots, thrives in this dark prison, finds solace in the agony of my fellow warriors. Many of us will not survive this war. Each day is a series of battles, of bullets piercing me, leaving memories and wounds that I cannot lick clean. I am a vessel for comfort, at the expense of my own. I am stronger than the soldiers who enslave me; you do not know the true power of war until you find yourself fighting for the strength to die. These are my frontlines.

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solo(w) by YouInventedMe, literature

last winter by YouInventedMe, literature

hello mountain by YouInventedMe, literature

all ineffably precious by YouInventedMe, literature

Literature

all ineffably precious

I want to know you when we are old still wrapped in your blanket of stars lost in the light of you . I'd like to teach myself new words invent them like you invented me but I stutter everything blue and paint these silent portraits endlessly and I can not imagine my heart without my heart can not stop the dream of you love you are so far beyond my blood you are still the brightest thing I've ever seen

arcade by YouInventedMe, literature

Literature

arcade

i. step one put the quarter in prepare to beat your high score morph into your second skin joy comes from a joystick or press of the buttons mash 'em all at once and can't nobody tell you nothin' transform under neon lights conquer every hurdle whether you're a spiky-haired yellow kid or pizza-eating turtle ii. catch that Pac-Man fever become an 8-bit junkie it's more fun than a barrel tossed at you by a monkey find your magic sword & shield to save Hyrule from doom or use a Hundred Hand Slap to prevent a Sonic Boom prepare to hop across the road when the coast is clear and finish any ninja who says "Get Over Here" iii. zombies ate your neighbors and there's no one else to save ya so act like you're a Belmont and this is Castlevania defeat those Ghouls n Goblins every unholy creation birthed from the sick minds of the Umbrella Corporation want the uprising televised? you've got the solution set it all to music and it's a Dance Dance Revolution iv. you can

early nights by YouInventedMe, literature

07.13.20 by YouInventedMe, literature

apologies and all I never want to lose by YouInventedMe, literature

Literature

apologies and all I never want to lose

sometimes the words won't come or my tongue hisses static frantic and fumbling anxious and unclear and oh I am crumbling I see the specter of before and the ghost I will become another stranger when all is said and done but love I will not leave unless you say there is no part of me that does not want to stay there is still so much magic left to uncover stars to be mapped worlds to discover and anything I can do to light the path I will my eyes may no longer serve as torches but my heart's the same safe shelter still

fundamentals by YouInventedMe, literature

it was the sun, it is the sun by YouInventedMe, literature

Literature

it was the sun, it is the sun

it is a long walk when every step is in the wrong direction when I would rather stay and help keep the night back help lift the weight up hold you close in bed until the morning and the swirling's fled your head stay where we watched the light turn from sunset into magic where I heard you taste for the first time the word happy on your tongue (your laughter bubbling up full of wonder at the feeling) stay where I collected your scent on my skin your marks on my back the sight of your smile without reservation stay where doing nothing felt like everything where you read and sang for my ears only where I learned to love a dr

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ianfu by Alleyana, literature

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ianfu

Alleyana

About Alleyana

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Artist // Hobbyist // Literature

Apr 1, 1992
Canada
Deviant for 15 years
She / Her

My Bio

born and raised in Northern Canada, i wrote my first poem when i was 5. i got a bit more into writing at 16, when i opened a deviantart account. every poem i have written since then is contained in my gallery.

i have matured a lot as a human being. all the words, old and new, still mean and ring the same as they did 10+ years ago, no matter how much i grow. you can leave past behind but it's still a piece of the puzzle.

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

the tallest man on earth

Favourite Writers

Atwood, Palahniuk, cummings, Tennyson, Stephen Brockwell, bp Nichol

Favourite Games

League of Legends, GW2, The Sims (all)

Favourite Gaming Platform

Posts

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Alleyana

Aug 25, 2019

when you think you know something ... you never do

0 min read

yea so i fell in love with someone. and it was a total fucking accident - i wasn't even looking to fall in love with anyone but myself. and then they loved me too. and it was really fucking nice. and then it wasn't the right timing for them. and i am standing here .... just feeling.

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Alleyana

Jan 20, 2019

taking a walk down a really fucking busted up lane (aka my gallery)

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Alleyana

Jan 20, 2019

i'm alive

0 min read

hello, i am indeed still alive just haven't had the words fill me up lately. i think they're there but they don't feel like they deserve the page (quite yet). i've taken on a drastic long distance move and complete change in career the past two years and it has really transformed me. i wonder if the woman i am now knows how to be poetic.