let me burn

there are times
when i want to hold you down
and drown you in my sheets,
listen as the last lingering breaths of your life
fold into my throat, pocketed in my lungs
until i breathe back into you
all that you have given me:
                  life

i want to touch the sandy sun;
to hold the rays in both my fragile hands,
marvelling
as the blisters boil up from beneath,
baking my hands in the heat
until they are no more than
the ashes of ashes
and the crystal ocean absolves them
with a single pull.

sometimes,
i feel the burn of my hope
searing my bones.

it does not fully ignite me
it simply overheats me until i am pliable,
bent over before the bathroom sink
eating out of pill bottles and sucking back rainbow vomit.

how often i wish you would simply allow me to consume myself
instead of holding that single flame to my marrow,
mocking me
as i melt

       oh
               so

           slowly